I can’t stop

Trigger warning ⚠️ eating disorder

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

I ate some cherries at 4:30 this morning. They stayed down and I did okay with them. I counted them as my breakfast.

I ate a Greek salad for lunch at 1:30 p.m. and I was a little less okay with that because of the feta on it, but it stayed down and I lived through it.

I ate some more cherries (like 15-20), at 4p.m and immediately purged them. I don’t know why I felt like I had to, I just did.

At 5:45 p.m. I tried to eat dinner. Two pieces of pizza and like five strawberries. Nope. That was a no go as well.

Like I can’t stop purging. I don’t understand what my problem is. I need to stop. Like now. I am obviously not eating anything else today. I have no interest in eating. I didn’t even want to eat dinner. I just felt like I had to.

I took my “as needed” anxiety meds to help me calm down and also to keep me from trying to purge anymore.

I just am so angry with myself.

Pizza isn’t the healthiest choice, but it wasn’t like I ate unhealthy things all day, or that I eat pizza every day. My parents had it leftover from yesterday and wanted me to eat it. I think they think they are helping.

Whatever.

I am ready to curl up into a ball. This is so frustrating. I see my dietican on Tuesday and she is going to have a kitten about this.

Ugh.

Image from Pexels.

2 thoughts on “I can’t stop

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