Trigger warning ⚠️ eating disorder
I ate dinner with my parents, really the first full dinner since I got home from the hospital.
I really wanted to not purge this one. I tried so hard for an hour just to sit with it.
I finally couldn’t stop myself and I purged, but my stomach was pretty empty by the time I did that so not much came up. I guess that’s good? I don’t know.
My brain is so cross wired now with this eating disorder I was disappointed.
I know how bad that is for me. I know I should be grateful my body absorbed the nutrients. It wasn’t even a “bad” dinner. I just felt “too” full and it made me feel sick.
I am angry with myself.
Oh well. Tomorrow is a new day. I will try to not eat as much as I did tonight and see if that helps with the urge.
Family dinners are hard.
Image from Pexels.