I feel disgusting

Trigger warning ⚠️ eating disorder

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I ate dinner with my parents, really the first full dinner since I got home from the hospital.

I really wanted to not purge this one. I tried so hard for an hour just to sit with it.

I finally couldn’t stop myself and I purged, but my stomach was pretty empty by the time I did that so not much came up. I guess that’s good? I don’t know.

My brain is so cross wired now with this eating disorder I was disappointed.

I know how bad that is for me. I know I should be grateful my body absorbed the nutrients. It wasn’t even a “bad” dinner. I just felt “too” full and it made me feel sick.

I am angry with myself.

Oh well. Tomorrow is a new day. I will try to not eat as much as I did tonight and see if that helps with the urge.

Family dinners are hard.

Image from Pexels.

2 thoughts on “I feel disgusting

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