Befuddled.

Trigger warning ⚠️ eating disorder

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

So I told my therapist about how bad this week has been. Or I tried to in a text. She said she would do some research and we would talk about it when I see her on Friday.

Meanwhile, I see my dietican on Thursday and when I tell her that I’ve been purging like every day this week she’s going to have a kitten. For real.

I can’t seem to stop it.

I have a plan to not do it today though. I know exactly what I’m going to eat and I’m not going to let anyone shove food at me today.

I am just going to eat what I have planned and it should be okay.

I should be able to convince myself to keep that down.

I’m not sharing my food choices here because talking about purging is enough of a trigger for people. Talking about diet plans is even worse.

I suspect I am headed for some kind of hospitalization in the near future though. Not particularly looking forward to that, but whatever.

It is what it is…

I can’t keep doing this. At all. It was cute when I was just restricting food and losing weight. I even tolerated the cardiology thing okay even though I have to get a stress test in the near future.

I can’t however, be destroying internal organs and my teeth because I am purging and I don’t think I can stop that without help.

So… yeah.

Just a teeny bit scared.

I’ve been hospitalized for mental health a zillion times and know what to expect. This is new territory, but probably won’t be all that different, especially with the insurance I have.

I called a couple of places that specialize, but they don’t take state insurance so I will likely just end up on a psych unit anyway.

I’m hoping my dietican will get in touch with my therapist and they can have a conversation before I see my therapist on Friday. I might ask her to.

Anyway, fun times.

Image from Pexels.

2 thoughts on “Befuddled.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s