I am freaking out

Trigger warning ⚠️ eating disorder


I went on vacay with my friend and I gained a few pounds while I was gone.

I am not okay with that. I tried to prepare myself for it, but it was not okay when I stepped on the scale.

It was less than five but more than I wanted and will take a week to get off.

I’m so mad.

My dietican has also added these goals that I’m freaking out about and I just don’t want to.

I will, but I don’t want to.

She asked me about a “higher level of care” again- like a hospital- but I am so afraid of that. She said there was one in New York. I’ve never even been to New York. I can’t imagine just getting there, let alone being on some unit.

I also think that my body size is not a good fit for that kind of thing. I think I would trigger all of the dangerously thin people. I know I would. I also think they would trigger me. I just don’t think it’s a great idea.

I don’t know.

I’m just having a really hard time.

I hate food.

Image from Pexels.


2 thoughts on “I am freaking out

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