Headed for hospital???

Trigger warning ⚠️ eating disorder

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I saw my dietican today and she said that if I can’t get the ED under control soon, I’m going to have to go to a “higher level of care” meaning the hospital.

Color me thrilled.

Actually, color me panicked.

I don’t know that I can control my ED at this point. Like, I Do. Not. Want. To. Be. Fat.

I am significantly overweight.

It’s not like it’s in my head. It’s on my stupid medical chart: obese.

Seriously.

Can you imagine my fat a$$ going to a treatment facility for people with eating disorders? Like I’m a walking trigger for other people.

I’m tired of being the big one. I’m tired of guys ignoring me. I’m tired of being the size that is acceptable to make jokes about.

I don’t want to be if I’m going to be this large.

I know I can lose what I want to lose. I did it before and no one put me in the hospital then. Like this is insane. I was eating less and exercising more and it wasn’t this issue.

I guess maybe I wasn’t as honest? I am sure I wasn’t. So I am being punished for honesty which is amazing.

I feel defeated.

The best part is, with the medical coverage I have, I will end up somewhere not so nice.

So yeah.

No freaking out happening here today. Just look the other way.

Image from Pexels.