Went to this meeting thing…

…and it was not okay.

I panicked like twice.

I really needed to get up and leave. Really wanted to get up and leave.

Except… I was worried how it would affect the other people in the room, who also live with mental illness, so I didn’t.

I just sat there and silently couldn’t breathe.

It just wasn’t an organized meeting and so it was more like just people randomly talking about anything.

It wasn’t like a “group” share thing either.

People were talking about very random things having nothing to do with mental health or really anything. It was more like a social hour I guess.

Had I known that was what it was, I probably wouldn’t have gone because I didn’t know anyone there and being trapped in a room around a table with a bunch of people I don’t know for an hour with no music or really “reason” (I.e., birthday, New Years, etc.) is not my cup of tea.

I survived it, but clearly I won’t be going back.

It makes me worry that I’ll never be successful trying to work or go back to school though, because I can’t even sit in a stupid room for an hour without basically bursting into tears on the way out.

I don’t know.

It’s just sad.

I need to keep pushing myself I guess.

Image from Pexels.

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