Dreading dinner…

Trigger warning ⚠️ for eating disorder

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I went to lunch and I literally did not want to eat anything. I got a half order of a salad with grilled chicken on it and saved half of the chicken for later.

I am struggling so hard with eating.

I forced a banana down this morning for breakfast because I told my dietican I’d try to eat one instead of nothing or a hard boiled egg, but I immediately went and purged it.

I am a mess.

I so don’t want to go deal with dinner. My parents are going to expect me to eat. Of course. I have leftovers from lunch so I really would just like to eat those.

I know I’m not okay. I know I shouldn’t be doing this to my body.

My mom made a comment about how my new shirt was cute, “but I better not put it in the dryer because it won’t fit.” Ugh mom.

I would rather just not eat. Honestly.

I would rather not be here than be the weight I was in February again.

Yeah I’ve only been restricting for a couple months and it’s only 33 lbs but I don’t think I can handle gaining it back.

I don’t know.

This is so messed up.

I felt so much better yesterday when I barely ate. My mood was better and I felt better.

Today is honestly so much harder.

I think I’m going to try to “sleep through” dinner.

Image from Pexels.

4 thoughts on “Dreading dinner…

  1. I drink those carnation breakfast drinks that, according to the nutritional label, has 21 vitamins and minerals and a good source of protein. Supposedly can be used as a meal replacement.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yup. I’ve used those before too. I make them with almond milk because it only has 30 calories… I don’t have any almond milk handy though. Also, even the carnation breakfast things are above my caloric intake “rules” for a meal. Except maybe dinner. I don’t know. I’d have to go back and read the label again. I know I have some packets around here.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so much overweight Carol Anne that it would take a year and a half for me to get dangerously thin. My heart is kind of an issue, and I’ll probably get yelled at by the cardiologist, but some of that could be genetic too. My dad has a slow heart rate.

      That all said, I’m sorry you can relate. Please don’t read these if they trigger you, okay? Xx

      Like

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