I’m swimming in anxiety.
I have a day and a half to do this. Ugh.
I have no idea how I’m going to manage.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not sure my psych can do anything about how I’ve been feeling anyway, and anything she does do, (if she does something), will take a bit to work, but I’m anxious about the stupid appointment itself.
As I wrote about before, I don’t know that I even want a med change at this point. Maybe I do. I don’t know. Maybe this is all a therapy thing.
I don’t know if she can magically wave her medication wand and just “fix it.”
I mean, some things have been magically fixed by meds. I’m no longer paranoid about people breaking in my house, I can be in my home alone, etc. Those are big quality of life improvements to be sure. At the same time, depression and anxiety never seem to go away.
I’m not sure what those would look like without meds, but I mean, they are a regular part of my life with them.
Anyway, I don’t know what my psych is going to think. I just saw her two weeks ago. Maybe just under that. It’s not really my fault that the med we tried made me suicidally depressed, (and I don’t blame her either, it’s just how it worked out), but I don’t want to go through that again either.
So. Much. Anxiety.
Nothing. To. Do.
I do have a couple of phone calls to make tomorrow to check on some things and I guess that will fill my morning. I have to call my doctor in the morning and see if I can get in, which is kind of a joke honestly. He’s impossible to get into. I also have something I want to watch tomorrow night, so there’s that I guess.
Just trying to fill time.
I guess tonight I will look at volunteer stuff again. Maybe I’ll find something this time that works for me.
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