…and why I need to learn to offer it to myself.
I have written about it here before and I am not going to rehash details, but I was in a borderline emotionally abusive relationship.
I have a lot of feelings about it.
Mostly, I am angry with myself for not ending it sooner. I knew it was toxic. I knew it wasn’t healthy. I knew I needed to get out. I stayed anyway.
I am angry because it wasn’t the kind of relationship that I ever saw myself participating in. It just wasn’t.
I am angry because I didn’t take care of myself. I got lost in it and lost myself.
I am angry with myself for the whole thing.
This anger is not helping anything. It doesn’t help me move forward. It is keeping me stuck. It’s not allowing me to truly be free of the situation.
I need to forgive myself for the parts that were my fault and let go of the parts that weren’t.
I’m just really sad.
It was a long time to be tied up in someone else’s life.
I am just struggling with finding my “muchness” as Alice would say, again.