When the past won’t let go…

I was having a really fun night watching tv with my parents and celebrating when my ex called. Full stop.

First, this person knows we are at a place of no contact. I have no idea why they called.

Ostensibly it was to check on my health. That was thoughtful, but unnecessary and this person knew that.

So… it really was just to make contact.

Me being me, I didn’t want to be rude, so I didn’t say, “why the heck are you calling me???” (Which in retrospect is probably what is should have said). Instead, I told this person, “I’m okay and recovering,” briefly asked how they were doing and then told them I was busy.

The whole thing lasted maybe 3-4 minutes.

The real question is, in the age of caller ID, why did I pick up the stupid phone to begin with?

First, because it didn’t register as this person in my head until I had the phone in my hand and was just about to hit the button. It was kind of too late. Second, I guess it’s just habit to answer the phone. Third, this person hasn’t called for a month. I wasn’t expecting it. Forth, I think my old pattern of, “well, what if it’s an emergency?” kicked in. That’s the worst one and the one that bothers me the most.

I was really working on moving forward and then WHAM!

Ugh.

I have my feelings about why this is happening now. When I’m trying so hard to move forward and get past this. When I’m praying to God every ten minutes for strength to move on. I’ll keep them to myself.

I’m just shaken a little. I even called for coaching from my therapy team.

So yeah.

On to a new day. Don’t know what I’m doing with it yet, but I’m onto it.

Image from Pexels.

Advertisement

2 thoughts on “When the past won’t let go…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s