…and it’s super annoying.
Why are my thoughts racing when I’m horrifically depressed? I’m assuming it’s some kind of mixed depression thing. I’m also having a hard time sleeping most nights. Then sometimes I sleep so much I can’t get myself to wake up when I need to. So who knows?
I just know that laying here being bathed in memories from a fire hose of them circa 2006 is not really conducive to rest. These memories are coming as a full body immersive experience. I’m not really appreciating them if I’m honest.
I really just want to sleep. It’s not like my brain shuts off when I sleep either, I constantly dream, but at least I’m sleeping.
The racing thoughts are also unwanted and intrusive and not really positive. They just are. I try to accept them and not fight them, (that seems to just make them worse), but it’s very difficult and I prefer to not have them at all.
I have tried counting which usually helps, but it’s not helping tonight. I’ve counted, done the multiplication table and figured out prime numbers as far as I could figure them out in my head. Honestly, all of those things are generally things that knock me out on decent days when it’s just mild thoughts, but not this week.
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