It’s 2:45 a.m. in the morning and I’m wide awake.
This is ridiculous.
I am tired, but not sleepy.
My thoughts are racing in not a good way.
I don’t know if this is the start of a mixed episode, or just part of the depressive funk I’m in. I’m just not loving it whatever it is.
I can’t keep staying awake until all hours trying to fight to go to sleep.
I gave up tonight.
I got a healthy snack and found a show on tv and decided just to go with it. Fighting it just didn’t make sense.
I am just feeling frustrated that I can’t rest. I know I need it.
Maybe it’s a trauma response. Honestly, the stuff I’ve been through over the past few years NO ONE should have to go through. Some of it is literally a plot line on a current soap opera.
Anyway, I am just not feeling okay tonight. I mean, I’m safe, just not okay.
The racing thoughts are intrusive and unwelcome. The insomnia isn’t welcome to the party either.
Hopefully my body shuts down soon.
Photo by me.