It’s possible for one person to wreak havoc on a life…

It’s hard to write this.

Honestly.

I was in a relationship with a person who freaking lied to me for two and half of the three years we were together and continued to lie to me in the period after that.

I didn’t write about that relationship here.

Ever.

Mostly because I know that family reads this blog and they would not have approved and would have been disappointed in me, and really because I just didn’t want to deal with that.

It’s kind of neither here nor there what they think at this point.

I learned my lesson.

This person told me they had cancer four months into our relationship in order to make their employment easier. No joke. They lied at work and continued the lie with me and their family and friends.

I took the brunt of it.

I mean, I was there every day while this person was “sick” and took care of them.

This person watched me cry almost every day about whether they were going to be okay.

This person also lives with a serious mental illness, but I don’t think any of us around this person really understood the gravity of the situation until recently.

This person has been very sick with persecutory delusions and voices as of late, and I’m not certain they haven’t been there all along and I just missed them.

I ended the “relationship” part a year ago, but have tried to remain friends.

I’ve had to save this person’s life twice after suicide attempts in the last four months. I’m pretty sure they would not be here had I not intervened.

It’s hard to feel that level of responsibility.

I was totally isolated from all of my friends and some of my family during this relationship. This person was even jealous of my mental health providers.

I should have seen the red flags.

They were possessive and made comments about my weight (knowing I had an eating disorder).

They manipulated the crap out of me. I would have probably left this relationship so much earlier if it wasn’t for the cancer and it wasn’t for the games that this person played with me.

The dumbest part of all of this? I’m still having a hard time not protecting this person. I am not even using this person’s pronouns.

I am still sort of talking to this person.

It’s like being in an abusive relationship. Or kind of exactly like that, and I don’t know how to cut the ties that hold me there.

I need to walk away and free myself. I don’t know how. I’m afraid of so many things.

I don’t know. If you got this far, thanks for reading.

Image from Pexels.

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