I am just coming to terms with my anger over my friends suicide attempt.
I am so pissed.
It doesn’t mean I don’t have any compassion, but I am MAD.
She called me with her incoherent phone call that I don’t think was designed to save her WAY after she did what she did, so I think she thought even if I figured it out, I would be too late.
Which means, she knew one of her friends would find her, most likely me, and that is so incredibly crappy.
I am traumatized from what I saw between finding her and the hospital, (as in I actually have PTSD now), and that has so many consequences for me.
I now have to switch therapists for a bit and start EMDR and pray that it helps. That makes me mad.
She’s asked a couple of times how I’m doing, and I appreciate that, but it was early on and I was in “rescue mode.” I was not thinking of myself at all. I was just worried about making sure she was okay.
Now that I’ve had time to process some, I’m decidedly not okay.
I don’t know.
This is crap.
Image from Pexels.