Just coming to terms

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I am just coming to terms with my anger over my friends suicide attempt.

I am so pissed.

It doesn’t mean I don’t have any compassion, but I am MAD.

She called me with her incoherent phone call that I don’t think was designed to save her WAY after she did what she did, so I think she thought even if I figured it out, I would be too late.

Which means, she knew one of her friends would find her, most likely me, and that is so incredibly crappy.

I am traumatized from what I saw between finding her and the hospital, (as in I actually have PTSD now), and that has so many consequences for me.

I now have to switch therapists for a bit and start EMDR and pray that it helps. That makes me mad.

She’s asked a couple of times how I’m doing, and I appreciate that, but it was early on and I was in “rescue mode.” I was not thinking of myself at all. I was just worried about making sure she was okay.

Now that I’ve had time to process some, I’m decidedly not okay.

I don’t know.

This is crap.

Image from Pexels.

2 thoughts on “Just coming to terms

  1. Yes this is crappy! I know she’s struggling…but…it was selfish of her to do it, knowing you’d find her, and you could’ve found her dead, bad enough you found her almost dead. I’m so sorry hun. I hope the EMDR helps you. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

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