I am going to a big ten football game tomorrow. I have to be honest, I’m scared.
I have to drive like an hour and a half both ways and I have to deal with the crowds and the traffic and the parking and the hassle. I’m just a teeny bit frazzled.
I also have to not be “Debbie downer” on my friend who graciously invited me.
It’s potentially supposed to snow tomorrow night as well, so getting back home could be sketchy.
That’s just what I’m afraid of for tomorrow.
I am also worried about my friend who’s in the hospital. She’s not doing well. She’s still a mess and ended our conversation tonight in huge sobs. I just don’t know how I’m going to be able to help when she gets out of the hospital.
I am scared of what she will do.
I don’t know.
I am just scared.
I am scared of the “rule of three” and one more friend attempting or succeeding in taking their life.
Honestly. I couldn’t right now.
I just feel sick all of the time. As in physically ill.
I know that I’m not sick thanks to my ER visit last night, I just feel that way.
I am tired of calling for “coaching” because it doesn’t help.
I’m tired of feeling this scared all of the time.
I’m tired of seeing images in my head that I don’t want.
I’m scared and tired.
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