It’s 4:30 am and I’ve been awake for an hour.
I think I’m a little stressed out.
My friend is doing so well physically after her attempt. I am so grateful to God and her medical team and everyone who sent positive thoughts her way.
There’s a long road ahead though and I’m scared and concerned and so so worried.
I still have like a thousand things to do in order to keep up with my other friends and maintain those relationships in the middle of all of this and also take care of my friend who is ill.
I’ve been trying to keep up with my own self care, but that’s been extremely difficult. I keep forgetting to eat. Yesterday, I didn’t eat until 5pm and I was dizzy. I forced myself to eat Chex mix last night before I went to bed for some extra food intake.
I am going to breakfast with a friend and helping her with some law school admissions stuff. I also have to shop for my friend who is in the hospital because she doesn’t really have clothes that fit her. So that’s fun. I was able to raid my closet for some things, but she’s a few sizes smaller than me, so I don’t really have a lot for her.
I really just want her to get help. Period. I don’t understand what is going on with her, but I do know it’s not okay. I know she’s sick.
I just think this week is kind of hitting me now. I’m starting to feel the trauma of the week set in.
It’s hard to sleep and I feel restless and freaked out. I want to talk about what happened. I realize that this forum is not really appropriate because it’s just too much of a trigger to people, but I know more about what they do to you in intensive care than I ever needed or wanted to know.
It’s just terrifying.
I am literally traumatized.
Anyway, I’m going to try to rest for another hour at least before I become caffeinated.
Have a blessed day!