Four-thirty

I’ve been awake for over 24 hours.

It’s 4:30 am and I’m wondering what the heck is going on.

I am feeling a little tired now so I might actually be able to sleep for four hours before I have to get up to run errands.

It’s kind of ridiculous.

I think I’ve gone 24 hours with no sleep maybe three times in my life, and they were when I was at least 20 years younger.

This is actually just crazy.

I didn’t take the newer antidepressant like my psych said, but I’m guessing it has a longer half life so it’s probably still in my system. Also, I don’t know that if I’m already up here, that we can just fix it by pulling a med. We’ll see…

Im actually a little scared.

I don’t know that this is good. I don’t feel like my psych heard me. She’s like “oh it’s some hypomania.”

If this switch flips, and it could at any time, I will be full on psychotic. My parents literally have no idea how to handle psychosis.

None.

So I’m just concerned.

Mania has never been a nice ride for me. It’s paranoia and fear and the real life experience of losing my mind.

I don’t even know if my obsession with my sleep is paranoia or not.

I’m just freaked out.

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