Back to reality today

It was a nice day and a half, but I have to go back home today.

I emailed some people at my school. We’ll see what kind of reaction I get.

I told them there was a medical emergency. It isn’t like that isn’t true.

I am freaking out.

I have decided I have to shower this morning before I leave because I frankly stink.

I am essentially, other than my shirt, wearing the same clothes I was wearing when I came up here.

I’m trying, but I’m kind of failing.

I really don’t want to deal with my disgusting bathroom or my messy room or my life to be honest.

I might need to ask a friend to help me fix those things.

I am just totally overwhelmed. By everything.

I almost feel like I am going to throw up.

Anxiety has me frozen. I know I can get in the car and make it home, I mean because I have to.

Mostly because I don’t want to be homeless and I want to go to therapy tomorrow even though I know that is going to be hard and full of difficult questions.

It’s probably good I have therapy tomorrow, even though it will be difficult. I’m not sure I wouldn’t have tried to find another place to stay up north if it weren’t for that.

I really don’t want to go back home. I’m putting it off as long as possible this morning.

The weather there is sketchy anyway this morning, so if I leave later, I might miss some of it.

That’s what I’m telling myself anyway.

I’ll make it. It just is what it is.

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