Strugglebus!

Ugh! I’m trying to focus on school. I am. I’m just having a really hard time. I’m unmotivated and anxious.

I think my anxiety is causing me to go into total avoidance. I want to do just about anything other than study or write this paper.

I got the shopping bug earlier, but realized it was just anxiety so I didn’t go.

I thought about going to a friend’s house, but to be honest, that would totally wipe out any chance of me studying and I really need to do that.

I should have not worked on my paper on Friday and the weekend because I really needed that break. I feel like this has been the longest week of school ever so far.

Usually, I give myself a couple of days to chill after class before starting on the next week’s assignment. I should have done that because I’m already burnt out this week and stressed to the max.

I also haven’t seen my therapist in a month. It’s not helping. I have a litany of things to discuss with her. I clearly need to talk to her about the eating disorder stuff, but I don’t want that to be the whole hour. I need to talk about school things and how to navigate some stuff going on in class, concerns I have about my ability to focus, and setting some scary long term goals.

I don’t really know beyond that, but I have business with her. I don’t see her until after I have class, which completely sucks, but maybe it’s good that I won’t be in there freaking out about my exam and paper.

I have a med review this week as well, and I am not sure what I want to cover in that. I mean, my meds, aside from the massive anxiety, are working pretty well. I’m not super depressed and I’m much more functional than I’ve been in a while.

So there’s that.

I do have some questions for her though. So we’ll see.

Ugh.

Anxiety sucks.

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