Also, anxiety is crap

I’m trying to go to sleep at a semi-reasonable hour (before midnight), and I am so restless.

Literally I cannot lay still.

I could not figure out what my problem was, until I stopped for a second and did an internal check and realized I was really anxious.

My last blog post should have told me that, but I didn’t get it.

So… I took some anxiety meds and I’m hoping that in a little while I will stop feeling like a basket case.

I don’t even know what I’m anxious about right now.

My mind is ruminating over all of the weird/bad stuff it can think of in my past. Mostly awkward things.

I also keep having these recurring dreams about driving that are scary and unrealistic. I don’t know where they are coming from, (they’ve been happening since before I knew I was getting a new car).

So yeah. I am just a little bit messy tonight. I’m glad I don’t have anywhere to go tomorrow. Maybe I’ll just focus on writing my paper tomorrow.

I’m trying to do the “notice and let it pass” thing. Well, as much as I can while writing a blog post about it.

I used to be wired like this all the time. I think that’s why I didn’t notice it for what it was at first. It felt “normally abnormal” if that makes sense. Maybe it doesn’t. It used to feel normal to feel this way. Now it doesn’t. That’s why I was so unsettled.

I really do think part of it is that I went from almost no activity to a bunch, like 0-60mph on a racetrack.

I’m just not used to that.

I’ll get better.

So much needs to be done. I have too many plates in the air to blow it now.

Sigh.

Recovery is hard. I’m thankful I’m this far along though. I hit a little setback this summer with the loss of my grandpa and I didn’t really realize it at the time, and then I got sick, but I’m doing okay now.

School is good. I’m learning crazy interesting things. I really like it.

I just have to literally dig out from the summer.

Thank goodness fall is almost here!

Image from Pexels.

2 thoughts on “Also, anxiety is crap

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