Nothing and something

I don’t really know what I think tonight.

I’m kind of in a holding pattern I guess.

Nothing is really bad honestly and I don’t really know what to do with myself when that’s the case. Sounds strange I know, but I’m so used to being in chaos that it is weird to have things just “be.”

I am concerned about this impending medical test Monday.

It’s probably going to turn out to be nothing. I just have this… gut feeling. Like maybe it is something. I don’t know. I can’t tell if that’s intuition or just anxiety. It’s likely just anxiety and the way I was raised. My mother is definitely a “plan for the worst” kind of person, and I learned that from her.

So… I have to admit to running through the scenarios. I mean, my grandma had ovarian cancer so it doesn’t seem like too big of a jump to think that I could. Granted, she was 90, but still. So yeah. Just worried about it.

The good news is that I have had CT scans of my abdomen because of the pancreatitis fears and they haven’t shown anything else strange besides that cyst growing, so I mean, if it is bad, it’s not too bad.

I guess that’s all that’s really on my mind tonight. I should be trying to sleep. I still haven’t rested today and I need to. I actually feel a little overtired and anxious just from lack of sleep.

Sigh. I guess I should stop typing and find something relaxing to do.

Image from Pexels.

2 thoughts on “Nothing and something

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