Aaand I’m still awake

I am struggling to process the last few days.

Really the last couple of weeks.

I lost my grandfather after sitting with him for a week at the hospice home.

My family argued and will continue to until the tiny estate is settled. Then I will never see them together again.

I did the family-visiting-from-out-of-town thing and enjoyed it, mostly. I mean it was awesome to see my cousins, but my aunt and uncle are a little ridiculous. They just like to find things to be angry at.

I went to the funeral and visitation where NO ONE cried. Except me. And I tried not to.

Like really. My family just doesn’t emote.

It was awful.

It was terrible to see my grandpa’s body laying in the casket. It was terrible to be a pallbearer. It was terrible to watch his casket get lowered into the ground…

All of it.

I just am overwhelmed I think. And exhausted. I took a nap today. I know that is why I am awake now, but I also feel sick.

I know that’s just stress and maybe too much sun.

Anyway, I just feel tense and wired and sad and let down somehow.

I don’t know where that is coming from.

I’m just having a very hard time.

It sucks that I don’t see providers until the end of the week.

Maybe by then this feeling will have passed.

Image from Pexels.

2 thoughts on “Aaand I’m still awake

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