Don’t have the heart

I was going to go through old pictures and see if I had any of grandpa when he was younger.

I mean, I know I do.

I just can’t.

I know people in my family are doing that, and so there will be plenty of photos.

I just don’t have the heart for it.

His body is still hanging on, but I feel like he’s gone already.

I visited him yesterday and I sang to him and played some 40’s music that he would have liked to dance to with my grandma.

I miss his smile and his laugh.

I can’t with pictures of those right now.

I am so sad.

He is truly a saint. Really.

So yeah. I’m just struggling this morning.

My headache is gone, thank goodness, and my meds finally knocked me out again last night so I could sleep.

I just…don’t feel like doing much this morning.

I am wearing the same clothes as yesterday because I slept in them. I probably won’t change.

I just have to go to FedEx, (thanks to my stepdad who helped me figure out how to fit the printer in the box), and my Dietican appointment.

Then I can curl back up into a ball.

Yay me.

I have friends, (and family), checking on me, so that’s good.

I just need to be able to relax. I’m not so that’s a problem.

I’m kind of honestly worried this is going to set off another episode, when I was just starting to climb out of the last one.

I just keep praying.

Older original art by me.

2 thoughts on “Don’t have the heart

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