I was going to go through old pictures and see if I had any of grandpa when he was younger.
I mean, I know I do.
I just can’t.
I know people in my family are doing that, and so there will be plenty of photos.
I just don’t have the heart for it.
His body is still hanging on, but I feel like he’s gone already.
I visited him yesterday and I sang to him and played some 40’s music that he would have liked to dance to with my grandma.
I miss his smile and his laugh.
I can’t with pictures of those right now.
I am so sad.
He is truly a saint. Really.
So yeah. I’m just struggling this morning.
My headache is gone, thank goodness, and my meds finally knocked me out again last night so I could sleep.
I just…don’t feel like doing much this morning.
I am wearing the same clothes as yesterday because I slept in them. I probably won’t change.
I just have to go to FedEx, (thanks to my stepdad who helped me figure out how to fit the printer in the box), and my Dietican appointment.
Then I can curl back up into a ball.
I have friends, (and family), checking on me, so that’s good.
I just need to be able to relax. I’m not so that’s a problem.
I’m kind of honestly worried this is going to set off another episode, when I was just starting to climb out of the last one.
I just keep praying.
Older original art by me.