Here I am…

…totally faking it till I make it.

I am ready for church, but I don’t have to leave for another half hour.

I am ready to cry for some reason. It’s just been an emotional couple of months.

I feel kind of like my depression is not really “all the way” gone, and like it could come roaring back any second and just sweep me under the current.

I’m worried that I’m not getting enough sleep to fend it off.

I’m worried that the impending passing of my grandfather is going to be more than I can do in my current precarious state.

I’m just… worried.

So then my anxiety is through the roof and no amount of medication is helping that. I need to schedule my “as needed” anxiety meds for a while I think with a reminder on my phone so I take them. I think it would help. Then I’m not already so far gone by the time I’m reaching for them.

Anyway, I am trying to do all the right things, and not all the bad things.

I am trying.

I am reaching out to friends, who are becoming tired of me honestly.

I’m starting to volunteer this week. I am hoping that is a good fit. I don’t know if it will be, but I’m praying it is.

I am journaling, on top of my blog, and I think that is helpful.

I’m working on art and making pins. That’s fun.

I listen to music. I interact with my parents. I help clean the house. On and on.

I’m trying.

Hopefully, I don’t break down in tears at church. That’s completely embarrassing. I did that last week.


4 thoughts on “Here I am…

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