It’s three a.m.

I’m still awake.

I’m just a little upset tonight.

I have a friend who is psychotic and delusional and has been for a long time now. A couple of months at least.

The problem with that, aside from the obvious, is that many people do not return to baseline after a long duration event like that.

I am terrified for her.

I also cannot continue to enmesh myself. It’s killing me.

My grandpa is officially in hospice as of today. They said he has 1-3 months.

My family needs me.

My stepdad is running himself ragged trying to take care of the house and my mom and my grandpa and I need to step up and help around the house so he has less to do.

I just have to. Not optional.

I did everything I could for my friend, including petitioning her for treatment. The hospital did not feel that she was dangerous even though she is psychotic, so… there’s nothing more I can do.

I mean, I pray for her multiple times a day and I care a lot, but I just can’t be more involved right now.

I don’t know how to explain how hard that is for me to do. The girl with no boundaries.

I’m trying.

Honestly though, my grandpa deserves to have his family around him and my stepdad is an amazing man who deserves all the help he can get.

I feel like an abysmal failure at everything right now when it comes to “helping,” but all I can do is try.

I’m so tired I feel sick.

I need to sleep, I just can’t.

Sigh. Oh well.

4 thoughts on “It’s three a.m.

  1. I understand your wish to help your friend, but if even the hospital won’t admit her, you can’t do much, sad as it is. Your family needs you and you can actually do something to help them. I understand you feel bad about this, but you’re trying the best you can.

    Liked by 1 person

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