I’m getting my crown back one day at a time.
Do I think the new med is helping with that?
Am I silly enough to think that 2mg of anything is powerful enough to change my life and turn things around all by itself?
Not a chance.
Someone I respect pointed out that there’s a lot to be said for the old adage, “fake it till you make it.” I realize that it sounds super terrible and really invalidating, but hear me out.
This may be only me, but I suspect it’s some other people too.
When I have free time, (which in my case is a lot), I can easily spiral if I’m not in a good place.
I sit on my bed endlessly scrolling through my phone or computer, not engaging with the world and not participating in life. Eventually, it all seems hopeless.
It seems impossible to stop the swirling and nigh on inevitable that things have to end. It seems like the only way to stop the pain.
Then, something happens. Everything comes to a head and I can’t take it anymore. I’ve been lucky, (or blessed), to have some key people there when that’s happened.
I’m reminded that someone else’s world would be rocked if I wasn’t here. That’s usually enough to cause me to want to at least try.
So, I start doing little things.
Take a shower.
Wash a load of laundry.
Change up my playlist so it’s not just two songs, or it’s not so morose.
Start talking to friends.
Actually see friends, (harder with covid, but easier now with vaccines).
Then, the big leaps start. I talk to my therapist about goals to recover. I make plans for living. I might volunteer or find a support group (DBSA-linked to my home page-is awesome).
I don’t usually feel like doing all of these things when I do them. I just kind of start. Once I do though, it’s like the wheels move and things get easier.
Maybe this isn’t you. It’s okay.
It is me though.
Image from Pexels.