Go say goodbye

I’m supposed to go “say goodbye” to my grandpa today.

I mean, he’s here and we don’t know for how long, but he’s in and out of it and so we don’t know how long he’ll be recognizing people.

I am heartbroken.

I also don’t want to go.

I know that sounds terrible, but these are not the memories I want.

He doesn’t know who’s there.

I was around for the end of both of my grandmothers’ lives, (or relatively close in the case of one of them). It was awful.

I hated it.

Most of my memories of them are tainted by those last visits.

I am dreading this, and I know it’s something I’m supposed to do as an adult.

Everyone expects me to.

I just want to throw up.