Tw: Discussion of suicidal thoughts
I am not having a good day.
The new med made me super groggy and miserable.
I am sad and depressed and anxious and fighting suicidal thoughts.
When I talked to my therapist earlier, I couldn’t really decide if the hospital was the right place for me or not, but it appeared as though it was my only option and I was getting ready to go.
Because of the insurance I have, I have to be screened by the hospital and by community mental health here.
I had been praying for the last two days for God to help me with these feelings and to send in some extra support.
The person working at community mental health today as a screener is my old case manager. She knows me literally better than I think anyone alive, except possibly me, and sometimes I think she knows me better than I know myself.
She called me and said, “what’s up? What’s going on?” We talked for a long time. She was really helpful and validating and helped me come up with a safety plan that I think I can stick with.
Honestly, between my therapist, (who I actually really like), and my old case manager, (who I would literally move a mountain for), I made promises that I won’t break.
I know both of them would rather I care enough about myself that I take care of me for me, but I’m not there yet.
The fact that these two women, who know each other, came together to help me today is nothing short of some kind of miracle.
I’m still sad and still having a tough day, but I know God answered a prayer today.