Identified the problem…

Tw for discussion of eating disorder behavior.

I confirmed why I felt like crap in the middle of the night.

I mean, I was pretty sure my blood sugar was too low and I ate a couple of Hershey’s kisses that I had laying around before going back to sleep. I felt less bad, but still a little “ooky” when I woke up this morning so I ate my usual banana and added a spoonful of peanut butter.

I feel much better.

I think if it were a bug, I would not feel better after eating, (and coffee), so I am pretty sure I figured out my problem. Not so sure what to do about it except allow for calories in the middle of the night, or eat a snack before bed I guess.

I hadn’t eaten since 5pm last night, which again was new for my system.

I need to ease it into this a little more I think.

On the up side, I’ve now lost 12 pounds since the second time of hitting the “magic” number of the highest weight I’ve ever weighed back on March 7th. The first time I hit that number it sent me down a spiral of not eating and I lost 100 lbs. I clearly gained all of that back so… I need to lose 88 of it again and then some.

I would like to say there’s a way for me to do this by eating sensibly and exercising. I can’t really exercise. I can’t afford to pay for the local gyms to use their pools, (even the ymca on scholarship is super expensive), and with covid most of them have insane restrictions on their pools anyway. My knee is shot so I can’t walk for exercise, at least not until I get some of this weight off. That also eliminates bike riding. I’m really frustrated because I would live at a pool, but no such luck.

I’m paying for my Dietican and that’s literally like a huge chunk of change. So I can’t really afford to pay for anything else.

Oh well.

Off to start my day.

Photo by me.