I had therapy…

… and I don’t feel better. I still feel like a mess.

I hate everything.

I am so frustrated.

Tw for the rest of this post for discussions of substances and eating disorder behavior…

Of course in therapy I cried and was a disaster. On the way home, I was bouncing around blasting music and having a party in my car.

I mean, really.

Now I’m just… ugh.

I want to curl into a ball. Or get drunk and stay that way. I just don’t want the calories from that and I’m allergic to any kind of fake sugar.

I can’t, because I have things I want to get done and promises I’ve made to people. Stupid me.

I’m also hating myself for being so fat. I hate being hungry. I hate having to eat.

I hate that everything revolves around food.

I haven’t had pop or sugar in three days. I’ve lost ten pounds since my stupid doctors appointment a month ago. I’ve only really been trying to lose weight for two weeks, though.

I have a terrible knee and something strange in the bottom of my foot that my doctor won’t look at until next Wednesday, so I can’t walk for exercise. It’s making this process much harder.

I’d probably deal with the bad knee. Get a brace and suck it up. But the foot thing is impossible. It hurts so much. It’s not a bone spur or anything that shows up on an X-ray. I wear sandals all of the time and I think I got a piece of sand or glass in there that the skin grew over. Not sure. It’s awful.

Whatever. I had a banana and black coffee for breakfast and a smoothie made with berries and almond milk for lunch with an oz of cheese on the side (for protein). I’m trying. Lots of water.

Yikes.

One thought on “I had therapy…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s