My conflicted faith…

I mean, here’s the thing. I’m a Christian.

I’m not an exceptionally good example of a Christian I guess, but I am one.

I don’t live the perfect Christian life. I don’t attend church every Sunday or participate in a bible study.

I like the idea of being that kind of Christian. I’ve been closer to being that before, but it felt forced and so…unnatural for me. I don’t know how to explain it.

I’ve been through a fair amount of religious abuse though and I think that has me shying away from the full experience.

I believe in God and Jesus Christ as my Lord and personal savior. I beleive Jesus is God and that He died for my sins.

I guess my heart says that’s enough. I don’t need to jump through sixty hoops or do a bunch of things aside from that to earn love. He already loves His creation. I just have to accept it.

So I get really uncomfortable when I encounter super legalistic brands of Christianity that border on cults. My friend has a book from a notorious semi-cult leader and attended at least one of his seminars.

I’m seriously resisting the urge to burn this book. I feel gross having it around me. I’d honestly rather have a ouiji board tacked to the wall near where I sleep.

It’s kind of like, “Oh, by the way I went to the People’s Temple and saw Jim Jones preach back in the day and the people were really nice!” No. That’s just creepy.

Ugh.

I guess it’s just life. People have experiences.

Image from Pexels.

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