I went shopping this afternoon and spent way too much money on stupid stuff. I mean, things I needed, (and one thing I didn’t really need, but wanted).

It was a good distraction from how I was feeling this morning, which was kind of panicky and just gross from that review of my mental health history.

I know it seems kind of dumb that something like that could be upsetting, but it just was. I felt like I had to recount every mental health relapse, every mistake, every therapist that didn’t work out, and the worst; that I massively messed up at sixteen.

The flashbacks from that episode at 16 just kept messing with me all night last night and all morning this morning.

I am still dealing with them, but no where near as intensely after going out and shopping and getting lunch.

I mean, that’s a good thing.

I should be doing homework. I know I should. I really want a nap though. I’m so tired. Straight up exhausted.

I guess I’m going to have to sleep and then focus on the homework. Even if it’s all day tomorrow. I don’t know.

I’m just struggling.

Image from Pexels.

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