The crisis team here is used to dealing with hysterical people who are dramatic.

I might be on the edge of hysteria, but drama is less my thing.

I am frustrated that they aren’t taking me seriously. They said, “you are frustrated because we aren’t doing what you want us to do.”

I mean, that’s not wrong. I’m also frustrated because they aren’t hearing that this is a big deal for me. I get they don’t want to validate stupid behavior. At the same time, like holy crappola! I am super miserable.

I don’t think they realize how close I am to the edge. I know the hospital is a band aid. I know all of my problems will be here when I get out. That doesn’t mean that I don’t need a safe place. Especially one to process things and journal it out.

I’m making my own safe space this week by not doing my homework until next week. I’m just going to ask for an extension. Thank goodness I got that accommodation thing in. It happens that I got it in just in time.

Meanwhile, I have the DBT intake tomorrow. I’m SUPER concerned that I’m not in the right headspace to do that. I mean, it’s designed for people in a bad headspace, but I’m mad and upset and I am unable to really process, so I’m really struggling with how to approach that using my best “game face.”

I went as far as taking myself to the hospital parking ramp today. I called the crisis team to tell them I was there, and they basically told me I was wasting my time.

So… it’s just make or break I guess.

Image from Pexels.

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