Stupid.

Trigger warning.

So, I got all warped about school again, (I really don’t know if I am going to make it), and I was really upset.

I called the crisis team and told them I was just done. The chick who answered was not exceptionally helpful. “Go for a walk. Listen to music. Etc.”

Like seriously I was trying to convey to her that I wanted to end my life.

I guess I didn’t do a good enough job because her response was, “if you go to ER you are just going to talk to one of us in person and we aren’t going to screen you into the hospital.”

However, that was a stupid ass thing to say to me.

Take away all of my options for safety.

My coping skill that I settled on left something to be desired. I took more anxiety meds than I am supposed to. Not like a dangerous dose, just more than I’m supposed to.

A friend is watching over me, (I let her know what I did), and so far I’m a little stoned but still wide awake and bushy tailed.

I wish I could tell you that I wanted to stop taking them when I did. I wish I could say that.

I just couldn’t put my friend through anymore drama, especially at her house.

This behavior is totally out of character for me. I’m not one to engage in self harm or gray area things.

I’m just desperate.

So…yeah. I dunno. I meet with them in the morning and I’ll tell them. I’m sure it won’t go over well.

I don’t feel heard. I don’t feel validated. I don’t feel like they really understand what’s going on.

This totally sucks.

Old original art by me.

5 thoughts on “Stupid.

  1. Thank you for being honest K! I’m sorry you are having a difficult time and don’t feel heard. I can relate to the taking more anxiety meds than the doctor approved dosage. I too did it out of desperation of wanting to feel better, after not being helped or heard by anyone. It can be frustrating feeling like you can’t get help from the crisis team, who are supposed to help and provide assistance, comfort and actual crisis intervention of some sort. Try to relax as much as you are able to tonight (should be fairly ok since the anxiety meds taken), and deal with this again tomorrow. It’s cliche but this too shall pass and tomorrow is a new day.

    Liked by 1 person

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