Demolitionist

I am SO good at blowing things up.

Relationships, opportunities, my life, whatever.

I’ve done this forever.

The relationship part of it I don’t even get. I don’t even know what happens.

The opportunity thing is me being afraid to fail so I blow it up before I can fail at it.

I don’t think my therapist gets that.

She just thinks I need to “keep pushing through.”

I’m on the edge of hysterical.

Or I am hysterical.

I don’t know.

I don’t think pushing anything is a great idea anymore.

I did that today. A panic attack, a cigarette at home, (previously not done for 2 and 1/2 months), and a few hysterical reach outs later and it was great. I’m great.

I’m frustrated and angry and sad and upset and disillusioned and scared and superficially apathetic to everything while caring so much about it all that I might burst.

So yeah. It’s a great time to be me.

Image from Pexels.

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