I want to run away…
…except there’s nowhere to run to.
I would take someone with me. I mean, I’m in the best place imaginable right now with the best person imaginable so I don’t know what my issue is other than the loss of control.
I am fighting to stay grounded. I’m losing.
I’m fighting to stay sane. Losing that one too.
I can tell that the thoughts in my head don’t make a lot of sense. I mean, the only reason I’m convinced I’m still sort of connected with sanity is that I know they are weird.
I have thoughts that confuse my religious beliefs with what’s happening now so like, “maybe this is the beginning of the Tribulation and I need to just get out now.”
Or fears about the government and what they’re doing in terms of screening people and keeping records of people.
I don’t know. They are not okay thoughts. They lead to not okay places.
I just remember that they are just thoughts and that they can’t hurt me.
It doesn’t mean they don’t scare the hell out of me though.
It’s not really like me to go quite this far, although I have, (and further), and it got me locked in a psych unit, so I’m working really hard at keeping them at bay.
I know they are coming out of anxiety and depression. I know they are. I’m just really struggling with both right now.
I want to hide as much as I want to run. It’s a weird place to be in.
As the image says, “everything is not okay.”
Image cited somewhere else on my blog.