Black

Today is “Black Friday.” It’s the day when retailers traditionally “go into the black” or start making a profit for the year.

Blah.

I did not go shopping today. I usually don’t.

I am not a fan of crowds.

I’m feeling a little dark myself, actually. Not really a shock if you read my blog regularly.

I don’t know if it’s the ear infection or what, (I did go to my primary care’s office today and get different antibiotics), or if it’s just seasonal, but I am struggling.

I’m so tired of crying. I’m so tired in general. It’s so hard to get moving. I don’t want to take care of anything.

I didn’t even really help my parents clean up Thanksgiving, which I felt super guilty about.

I felt like I failed somehow at “daughter 101.”

Now that Thanksgiving is over, I just feel blah. It’s a month before Christmas, and I’m not really looking forward to that as my 40th birthday falls right around then as well.

I just want to curl up and sleep. I am not okay. Nothing is the way I want it to be. I feel like everything is on me and I can’t do it all. It’s not, but a lot of it is, and I am not set up to handle that much. I’m just not.

I don’t know if my graduate application is going to be complete on time because one person still hasn’t written their letter. It’s due tomorrow by midnight. I worked so hard on that application and getting it in, it will be kind of a disaster if it’s not complete. This person is generally super responsible, so I expect she will take care of it, but in the meantime I’m climbing the walls.

I see my psychiatric prescriber in less than two weeks. Finally. Hopefully she’s got some good ideas about what we can do to help fix this because I do not feel well.

I am crying as I type this. Quasi in public. It’s awesome. I can’t keep it together anymore. It’s all just too much.

Image from Pexels.

2 thoughts on “Black

  1. I do all, well, 99.9% of my shopping online. I don’t fuck with the crowds or trying to find a parking spot that I won’t forget. I’m sorry you are down. I wish I could make you laugh just once. I’ll just send a hug instead. Just know I’m thinking about you.

    Liked by 1 person

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