Sigh….

The cracks are starting to show. Depression is starting to kick my butt again.

I went to the ortho doc on Friday and he told me basically that he couldn’t do anything about my knee because, despite the fact that I have a torn meniscus, it’s too far gone and I just need to lose weight.

AWESOME.

He referred me to the “bariatric and weight loss” center. Like I don’t already feel like a cow.

I know I’m overweight. I hate it.

I lost 100lbs last year the totally unhealthy way and gained back 70lbs of it. I feel disgusting.

With a jacked up knee I can’t walk for weight loss, and I seem to have no self control when it comes to food so it’s a real problem. I either totally restrict like I did last year, or eat until I’m sick.

I hate myself.

I tried talking to my therapist about it today, but I don’t think she got it.

I know she didn’t.

I feel terrible. I just want a hole to crawl into.

Sigh.

Older original art by me.

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