Speechless

I wanted to post today, but I don’t know what to post about.

Does anyone really want to read about another day of oppressive depression that won’t abate?

I want to crawl out of my skin and hide and scream and run and sleep and disappear all at the same time.

I’m scared of myself. My therapist would say that because I’m scared, I’m still safe, but I feel totally out of control.

I keep feeling like Wednesday, (when I see my psych), is forever from now. I don’t even know what she can do. I don’t even know that she can help me.

I feel like I’m on the right road with therapy, but this last week was crap and this week’s homework might as well be some kind of higher level theoretical applied mathematics for all that I can assimilate it. I can’t get my head to go there. I can’t connect with it. I dissolve into tears every time I try. It’s so aversive I just have given up. I feel like a failure.

I just am so tired.

Image from Pexels.

2 thoughts on “Speechless

  1. This might not help at all (sorry if it makes it worse), but I’m in exactly the same place. Each day feels a bit like that movie Groundhog day: Absolutely miserable, quite aware of what my shrink would say about it, and yet unable to escape/change it. Exhausted. Feeling about 55 feels all at once and mostly just wanting to sleep. Hope you feel better eventually :-/ In fact hopefully we both feel better eventually

    Liked by 1 person

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