I’m thinking it’s time to not only adjust my meds, but actually tinker with them some.

It’s a scary proposition because I usually have such dramatic reactions to new medications and I never know exactly what those are going to be.

I am tired of feeling sad and anxious though. My case manager and I were flipping through my mood charts and I’ve been down since October. That’s crap. I keep sinking lower and lower. I can’t afford to sink much more or I’m going to end up in the hospital.

I was able to put some of it off by going to Georgia- that did help- but I can’t outrun my brain and it’s just not cooperating.

I am sucking at my goals. I am sucking at eating healthy. I am sucking at trying to quit smoking. I am sucking at therapy homework. I feel like a huge failure.

I just want to eat and sleep.

Thankfully, I see my psych next week because I don’t think I want to wait much longer than that. I need her to fix something. If that’s even possible. I don’t know.

I feel unfixable.

Image cited somewhere else on my blog.

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