I’m growing impatient with the “recovery” process. I think it’s just today.
I honestly think it’s because I’ve been cooped up in the house for essentially a week and because I am frustrated with the direction therapy is going.
I think it’s probably temporary…
That said, right now I’m ready to go find some dumb job and just say, “screw this.” I would inevitably fail at that, but it’s how I feel right now.
Knowing I would fail at that makes me feel terrible.
I feel like a rat in some terrible maze.
I just want to break out of this. I just want to be done with this process. I’m so done.
This feeling, this very one has led me to jump into graduate programs in the past that weren’t the right thing or starting at the right time. It’s led me into jobs that weren’t the best for me. It’s led me into situations that weren’t the best. I get froggy and just want to “jump.”
Maybe it is a mood state I just haven’t identified yet. It’s familiar, it just doesn’t come around that often.
I’m feeling restless.
It could be that I’m freaked about the upcoming surgery. It could be a lot of things.
I just know I’m unsettled today.
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