Sometimes I blog and I don’t really think how it’s going to come out.
That’s usually because I use blogging as a tool to help me work through how I’m feeling “in the moment” and I just kind of “spew” things onto the page. My brain is kind of trapped in an emotional place in those moments and I’m not really in the most rational space.
I said that I didn’t therapist didn’t really understand what was going on.
That’s my fault.
I had a really hard time connecting with myself at my last therapy session. I was sort of checked out and unable to access the emotional side of myself.
I think some of that is because I “mind-read” and think that she reads a lot into it when I am overly emotional and so my reactions are tempered with her. I’m working on that, but I am still not there yet.
She will admit to having a hard time with validation, and I struggle sometimes with the lack of it. She tries, and she knew that was what I needed, but it’s not her strongest suit and it’s what would have created a safe enough space for me to be able to come back into myself enough to open up.
Obviously, I need to talk to her about this.
I would be more worried if I didn’t have another provider who can wrestle this sort of thing out of me.
My therapist can wrestle other things out of me.
It’s sort of a ying-yang thing.
I just wanted to be clear, because of some of the comments I received, that it wasn’t my therapist’s fault that she didn’t get the full enchilada out of me. I really didn’t fully participate in that session unintentionally.
I am feeling a little better this morning. I had more talks with people in my life and I feel safer and better. I also managed to get three hours of sleep despite feeling wired earlier. I just need to get a few more today.
Image cited somewhere else on my blog.