Sometimes I blog and I don’t really think how it’s going to come out.

That’s usually because I use blogging as a tool to help me work through how I’m feeling “in the moment” and I just kind of “spew” things onto the page. My brain is kind of trapped in an emotional place in those moments and I’m not really in the most rational space.

I said that I didn’t therapist didn’t really understand what was going on.

That’s my fault.

I had a really hard time connecting with myself at my last therapy session. I was sort of checked out and unable to access the emotional side of myself.

I think some of that is because I “mind-read” and think that she reads a lot into it when I am overly emotional and so my reactions are tempered with her. I’m working on that, but I am still not there yet.

She will admit to having a hard time with validation, and I struggle sometimes with the lack of it. She tries, and she knew that was what I needed, but it’s not her strongest suit and it’s what would have created a safe enough space for me to be able to come back into myself enough to open up.

Obviously, I need to talk to her about this.

I would be more worried if I didn’t have another provider who can wrestle this sort of thing out of me.

My therapist can wrestle other things out of me.

It’s sort of a ying-yang thing.

I just wanted to be clear, because of some of the comments I received, that it wasn’t my therapist’s fault that she didn’t get the full enchilada out of me. I really didn’t fully participate in that session unintentionally.

I am feeling a little better this morning. I had more talks with people in my life and I feel safer and better. I also managed to get three hours of sleep despite feeling wired earlier. I just need to get a few more today.

Thanks everyone!

Image cited somewhere else on my blog.


One thought on “Clarification

  1. I’m late to the game. Not sure what happened (I’m sure I’ll find the post as I am playing catch up tonight), I’m just glad you got things sussed out. I use my blog the same way. It is my place to spitball. Spew the thoughts and feelings I’m having. It’s ok. I get it. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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