I had the full-on anxiety thing happen today where I got dizzy for a few moments and then just felt “floaty” and out of my body for a while.
It totally sucked.
I decided to take a nap to try and deal with it, and it helped for a while, but the anxiety is back, albeit in more familiar forms.
I don’t usually just get dizzy out of the blue like that, and it was unnerving to say the least since I was driving at the time (and no, I hadn’t taken any anxiety meds this morning).
I feel really bad tonight. I’m trying to keep everything together because 1) I’m going on this little trip, and 2) I’m supposed to. There is so much pressure on me to just keep it together when I all want to do is fall apart.
I really just want to let go. I don’t know that I want to die. Maybe I just don’t care. I just kind of want someone else in charge of deciding that for a minute because I’m over it.
My therapist is in “fix-it” mode and I don’t think she really gets it. My case manager does, (and because of that, I don’t need any of my readers trying to call 911 for me, thanks. I’m open with my providers), and she is helpful as far as she can be.
My friends try. I’m trying to reach out. I am. It’s really hard because I feel like a burden and so many of them are going through hard things themselves. I don’t want to add to it.
It’s not really an exaggeration to say I feel isolated.
I’m just kind of “floating” by at this point. Things are really hard. I need a pressure release valve.
I’m safe for tonight. I’m just overwhelmed…
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