Where have I been?

Probably three of you have wondered that…

I have had a rough patch. I just couldn’t really express myself at all. I was having difficulty even describing how I felt beyond miserable, so it didn’t really seem productive to be on my blog.

I didn’t really have anything to write about.

Depression kind of stole my words from me and rendered me completely in basic functioning mode.

I took my first shower today since Wednesday. It’s been lousy.

I was honestly struggling with some suicidal thoughts, (nothing I was going to act on or I would have made an effort to reach out), and I was feeling pretty helpless and worthless.

Some of this was from trauma that got inadvertently triggered over the holiday. Things happen. Some of it was probably just Christmas itself. I always struggle with that day. Some of it might have been a cyclical mood episode. Really I’m not completely sure.

I don’t feel great as of yet, but I do feel a little bit better. I called on a place to volunteer at, just in the office, because I think that quiet office stuff might be sort of my best bet for a while. We’ll see what they say when their volunteer coordinator comes back from vacay. I don’t know if I can stay doing it, I’m never very successful at it, but all I can do is try.

I have been playing my Xbox and trying to do other things that shut off my brain for a while. That seems to help.

I am hoping that I can recover from this feeling soon because it sucks. I physically hurt. I’m getting headaches. I cry all the time. I just want this phase to be over.

Anyway, I just wanted to explain where I’ve been.

Lots of love.

Image from Pixabay.

2 thoughts on “Where?

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