I feel like I’ve been flattened like a pancake.
Anxiety is through the roof and I am exhausted.
Christmas has traditionally been a tough holiday for me to get through. It was better this year, but it was still rough.
It’s just a combination of all of the people I have to be around and all of the pressure to perform and be the “good little girl” in situations that I am not extremely comfortable in.
I’m kind of a homebody and I am used to a certain amount of isolation, so it is difficult for me to be amongst crowds that I have to interact with for extended periods of time.
I am not trying to overly complain, though. It was a nice Christmas, especially in comparison. I’m just still stressed out about it.
My anxiety is so high that I have this overwhelming sense of doom that I can’t shake and a feeling of dread like something terrible is going to happen.
I’m fairly certain that’s completely irrational, and to give into that fear would be borderline delusional, but I am struggling with it.
It would probably help if I had been sleeping more than a few hours a night. I’m not. It’s usually interrupted by me waking up and wandering around the house for a while too. I don’t have as hard of a time going to sleep, but staying asleep and waking up early are my kryptonite. I am crap on limited sleep and it can lead to psychosis in me eventually, so I’m trying to keep an eye on that situation as well.
I’m glad I have therapy tomorrow. I have fish to fry with her. I am not sure how to approach it because we do CBT, and that is so focused on the here and now, and what happened on Christmas Eve was based on trauma from decades ago. I had a total meltdown over a relatively simple comment/request. It just triggered some ugly stuff.
I am hoping to nap today. I’m in desperate need of some rest. We’ll see how I do…
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