Depression is jealous. It grabs hold of you and doesn’t want to let go for anything. There isn’t room for anything else. It forces you into a world of isolation and pain until you lose your very sense of self.
This most recent battle has taught me the importance of keeping things Churning. Any kind of movement, even if it is circular, is better than stagnation. It felt, (and feels), frustrating to move and seemingly get nowhere at times, but I know that the movement is actually like a steam train climbing a giant mountain.
Like the proverbial Little Engine That Could, I am making progress. Sometimes it’s so imperceptible that I just can’t see it. If I don’t keep things moving though, no progress can be made.
I’ve been doing that by volunteering, exercising, going to social events even when I have to drag myself, keeping up with my appointments, and trying to keep up with a modicum of self care.
It’s been so difficult. I am not here to blow smoke at anyone and claim it’s easy.
I’ve just noticed that it’s helped.
Maybe I have just finally convinced myself it’s helping because I want it to.
Either way, something is different this time.
Image from Wikipedia.