Tornado

This was something else when I drew it, but today it’s looking up the vortex of a tornado.

It’s not a tight, fast spinning funnel, but rather one of those wide, lumbering wedges that slowly eats up the landscape in miles-long swaths.

Those tight, fast spinning funnels are what mixed episodes are like for me, and they are terrible.

This is more just a swirl of garbage that has been picked up and is being flung around me in a slow churn with a deafening sound.

This depression is wicked in that it’s hard to focus. Things just keep creeping by. It’s not the same as racing thoughts, it’s just an inability to grab ahold of anything for very long before the storm rips it out of my hands.

It’s hard to enjoy anything, even for a moment, because I’m constantly on guard for what debris is going to come flying my way. What thought am I going to have to do battle with next?

Finally, there’s just not getting sucked into the vortex itself and getting lost into the storm. It takes a phenomenal amount of work to find my footing constantly and make sure that I am using everything I know to do to stay out of that monster.

I kind of don’t expect everyone to have an experience with depression that is Identical to mine. I know that storm might look like a rain cloud for someone else, or fog, or no kind of weather at all. I don’t presume to speak for the entire bipolar community on depression.

Just me. Today.

Older original art by me.

6 thoughts on “Tornado

  1. I’m in a bit of a drift myself, lately. There’s only about a billion things I know I ought to be doing (or, at least, I’d like to be doing) but I can’t do any of it /them for more than a nanosecond before I’m think I ought to be doing something else. None of has a priority label on it, and I can’t hardly select and settle. I guess you know the deal.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. for me depression feels like a big black hole, sucking me in, i am not bipolar though, I just have clinical depression, its interesting to hear your experiences of what a depressive and mixed episode are like for you. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

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