Here’s the thing. I’m SUPER upset. For sure.
I’m NOT suicidal. If I were, I wouldn’t be posting that on my blog, I would be headed for the emergency room and maybe telling you guys about it from there if they let me keep my phone.
I am not going to kill myself over 6 more weeks of hell. I’m not 13 (no offense to any teenage readers).
I DO feel trapped and hopeless about this situation. That does not make for a whole bunch of rational thought. Trying to explain it to people in my life who also think it’s absolutely insane is also sort of not helpful. It just feeds my furnace of indignation instead of helping me get to acceptance.
I HAVE to come to terms with this or it might break me in two. I am bipolar and the risk of setting off some kind of episode due to extreme stress is not unrealistic. I generally try to avoid this kind of nonsense because of it.
Expect weird and whiny posts for a while. I don’t even know if they will make a lot of sense. My brain doesn’t make a lot of sense right now. It’s kind of just full blown panic at the moment.
When I stop shaking when I’m not taking anti-anxiety meds to calm that down, I’ll let you know.
Until then, bear with me.
Image from Pixabay