I look back at my time in college (which for me was most of my 20’s), and I realize how functional and dysfunctional those years were.
I operated on a frenetic pace much of the time, largely because I spent huge swaths of that decade in some form of hypomania or mania, but I still can’t shake the feeling that there is a Cavity in my life now that isn’t being filled.
I used to have a wide circle of friends and belong to clubs and organizations. I used to sit in leadership positions within those. I used to be a social butterfly running from one event to the next. I was politically active. I was going to university. I kicked ass really.
My schedule was hectic all day long and now I struggle to find one day a week like that. Maybe. Right now I’m fairly certain I would crumble under the weight of my old schedule- I eventually did- but it sure looks appealing from where I’m sitting in hindsight.
I remind myself of all of the unhealthy behaviors I engaged in during my 20’s as well. Ways in which I chose to cope that were detrimental to my mental health and ways in which I was social that were not good for me.
I don’t want to go back to that life, I just need to rebuild this one.
Photo by me.