I look back at my time in college (which for me was most of my 20’s), and I realize how functional and dysfunctional those years were.

I operated on a frenetic pace much of the time, largely because I spent huge swaths of that decade in some form of hypomania or mania, but I still can’t shake the feeling that there is a Cavity in my life now that isn’t being filled.

I used to have a wide circle of friends and belong to clubs and organizations. I used to sit in leadership positions within those. I used to be a social butterfly running from one event to the next. I was politically active. I was going to university. I kicked ass really.

My schedule was hectic all day long and now I struggle to find one day a week like that. Maybe. Right now I’m fairly certain I would crumble under the weight of my old schedule- I eventually did- but it sure looks appealing from where I’m sitting in hindsight.

I remind myself of all of the unhealthy behaviors I engaged in during my 20’s as well. Ways in which I chose to cope that were detrimental to my mental health and ways in which I was social that were not good for me.

I don’t want to go back to that life, I just need to rebuild this one.

Photo by me.

5 thoughts on “20’s

  1. I totally know what you mean — when I was in college and grad school, I had a ton of friends and was involved in many activities. Now, there’s no way I could handle that type of schedule. I don’t see any of my friends because of anxiety, and I’m too scared to leave my house to take some kind of class. I can relate about rebuilding the lives we’re currently living. By the way, I’m a Buckeye — hope that’s okay lol!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. my 20’s were hard too. in so many ways. i was actively suicidal a lot. actively overdosing regularly. it was awful xxx

    My blog link http://therapybits.com/

    I blog about living with blindness and mental illnesses, dissociative identity disorder, and complex ptsd. Please follow along, like and or comment to my posts. If you have any questions about the blog, please feel free to email me at manyofus1980@gmail.com


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