I whined a lot about the new year and not wanting to make resolutions. It felt like a lot of pressure. It also felt like the new year was just this big question mark of uncertainty. It still feels like that.
I do have dreams though. There are places I would like to be by the end of this year. I am just not sure they are Viable or anything I dare to dream really. I am terrified that I won’t achieve them and that I will let myself down. Sometimes it feels easier not to dream than to risk failing.
Something I would like to do by the end of the year, probably close to the end, is be confident that I can get on the path to becoming a peer support. I’m not sure I will be ready by the end of the year, I think I need to be volunteering or doing something else first for several hours a week, but I’d really like to be on the path.
It’s scary to think about that. I know it’s 12 months away and a lot can change in 12 months. I can grow a lot in that time. I just really want it and it scares me.
I’m terrified every time I really want something. I kind of stopped wanting things because of that.
I stopped living.
I’m trying to come alive again, but man is that a terrifying prospect. Really. I’m trying though.
Image from Pixabay